Fight Fear with Fear… EMERGE!

What a few wonderful days of awakening. Free Your Kids facebook posted a quote by Stefan Molyneux, and the gist of it was that people cannot be “reasoned” out of their beliefs, because they were PROGRAMMED into their beliefs with force or threat of force/pain.

Then, another friend just facebook posted this quote by Carl Jung: “There is no coming to consciousness without pain. People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own soul. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”

The lights turned on. I know that the implementation of the pain/pleasure stimuli (Spanking, etc.) in sexual healing is powerful, because, in my experience, (which is in a totally safe environment) it removes negative triggers, and replaces positive thoughts, feelings, and emotions where the old shit used to be.

This makes total sense now. We were programmed with fear, pain, and threat of force. It’s irony that these are what we face when we dive into our shadows to remove the bullshit programming. FACING these triggers (Pavlovian programming) and seeing that they are only powered by our beliefs are – I believe – a key to watching them fall away like a house of cards on a windy day.

People can’t be reasoned out of their programmed responses because they were not reasoned INTO those responses. Their mind is never engaged. People walk around in trance all day long, doing what they have been programmed to do. Thinking or reasoning is very painful to engage, so they avoid it at all costs.

I see that women are afraid of men, and equally, men are afraid of women. Women are afraid of men because men have brute forced women into subjection and submission. This could also be framed as the “Men are more powerful than women” construct. This is just bullshit.

When a woman walks by that turns their heads, men have just been overpowered by something that they don’t understand: The sexual energy of a woman. It disorients, confuses, and otherwise induces the “stupid” factor in men. Men then proceed in the attempt to conquest the *body* of the woman. (Their mind tells them that what they have seen – the body – is the power.) The mind and heart of the woman are engaged only to the degree that allows for the physical conquest, and then ignored.

Men want to hold the space needed for the magic of mutual exchange, reward, and magic to occur. Men, however, have been programmed to believe that their power exists in producing income, a house, and all the finer things in life. This distracts them from the true joy that is right in front of them, to wit, LOVE. Love is not stuff. Love is without fear, hate, control, or ownership. Love is allowance. And there is NOTHING allowing about staying in a proverbial box of fear.

Women want to be able to trust men and surrender to a man’s masculine force without fear. But their experience has told them that men see them as just a “wad mop” and therefore women hold yang (masculine) energy that perpetuates the problem by keeping men at arm’s length. Then they tell men that they want them to be sensitive, and at the same time, fuck them like an animal. Instead of seeking balance, most men just opt for the latter, and notch their belt.

When a man holds a superior yang (masculine) force, and holds a sacred and safe space for a woman to surrender, enter her yin, and fully embrace her goddess, I’ve seen this result in magic happening in my sessions. And in this setting, it’s a total giving to the woman. It’s not a sexual event, but a soul event. It’s the connecting the heart, mind, body, vagina, and spirit. And then allowing her to leave, go on her way, with her goddess fully engaged, without asking for or receiving sex in return. Instead of an object of conquest, she becomes an goddess of power, revered, honored, and protected. She can surrender into her feminine yin, because the masculine has held the yang in a safe container. And that’s all there is to it.

There is no shortcut. The darkness of your fear is calling you. Bring a lighter AND a book of matches, because once you get here, you’re going to set the forbidden forest on fire… I’ll bring the marshmallows, Black’s organic chocolate, and gluten free graham crackers…

 Anyone for S’mores?
[This article, while about heterosexual relationships also applies in equal ways to homosexual or polyamorous relationships.]

For more information on how you can connect with your goddess within, contact me at JVagician (at)


Teargasms – Releasing the Emotional Baggage.

Today, I was honored to initiate another seeker in the ways of feminine sensual connection of heart, mind, body, spirit, and vagina… Let me tell you my version first, then I’ll share her written testimonial with you. My highest priorities are safety, discretion, and honor, so her name is withheld for her privacy.

“Don’t you cum without my permission!” I told her. I had already worked her to a point of being highly excited, and was hearing things like “Oh THAT’s new!” as I applied the techniques of sacred release, I was prepared for another 10-15 minutes of this workup. We had been in the process of preparing her for female ejaculation for about 2 hours so far at this point.
All of a sudden, I felt her body respond in a way that I knew to expect. I heard her start screaming, and I heard the magic sound of ejaculate escaping her pussy. I changed positions to maximize the experience, and what happened next was nothing short of tsunami of the vagina. It was all over me, her, and the sheets were soaked. She was still screaming. I kept going a bit, then eased her out of it. Female ejaculation was happening.

“You’re in trouble, I teased her.” You came without my permission!” She was a bit dazed, and said “What happened? Did I do that?” I told her  to look at the liquid she had just sprayed all over the place. A pool of clear liquid rested on the bed where her ass was. Her legs and tummy were covered, and I had to stop and clean my glasses.

Three of these later, I was working to bring closure to her experience. I wanted the experience to be fully healing for her. Her screams were so loud on this fourth mind-bending orgasm that she instinctively grabbed a pillow to mask the guttural primal scream escaping from her body. I physically felt a shift happen in her body, and she looked up at me afterwards and said “What was that? Did something come out of me?”

I said “It felt like you had a teargasm and that you let go of something.” She burst into anguished sobs and let out the emotion that she had held inside her. It wasn’t important what caused it. What was important was that she felt safe to let this out. I embraced her softly, stroked her hair, and told her “I’m honored to hold space for you in this way. Let it out.”

THIS is healing.


Now here are her words about what she’s learned about holding a safe and sacred space in this manner:

I just got transformed.
By a tsunami.
That came out of me.

But allow me to back up a bit …

For years, I have been on a journey of deep personal transformation – following my cry to get “truth at all cost”. I wanted freedom at least as much as I wanted/needed oxygen. Maybe more. I’m like everyone else — I’ve sustained wounds, have tried many modalities, to varying degrees of healing … but wanted MORE. Much more.

One modality I’ve long been fascinated by is Tantra. I love the merger of spirituality and sexuality – the divine/human dichotomy that comprises our nature. But, while the spiritual side is encouraged, the sexual has been downplayed at best, and shamed, silenced and maliged, at worst. However, I am a product of a Western culture — there are nuances to the Eastern approach to Tantra that utterly escape me. How to resolve this dilemma, and follow the hunger of my heart?

Enter Jay Vincent and the expert hands on holding of my heart and vagina.

My friend, Jay Vincent, had shared the topic with me.  I wanted it. I had concerns about it. Would I be honored? Would I be objectified? Would I be, bottom line, safe?

I did some research. And while my mind had questions, my soul, my heart, my body, were saying “yes”. I have come to trust this inner-yes.

However … I also had to be sure that I could trust Jay.

Now, I’d only known Jay through Facebook – but Jay is a wide-open human being, sharing his life fully, and he had been consistenly authentic about himself, over the nearly two years that I’d encountered him. I was also a FB friend of his wife, and she’s about as adorable and genuine as they come. So, I took a chance … I said yes to the “yes” and I talked to Jay on the phone. That’s when I said yes to Jay.

Ultimately, I was saying yes … to ME! To owning my life, my spirituality, my sexuality, my body, my freedom, my healing. Myself.

We agreed to meet – setting up a location that worked for both of us, and he set the parameters. His first and deepest commitment was to me, my safety, my comfort, my honor. This was NOT about his gratification, but all about unleashing what was rightfully mine to have. He was the guide for this journey, and my body, my sexuality, was the vehicle for spiritual healing. NOT that we’re broken — we’re whole, complete, beautiful. But we have been so very conditioned, and our natures have been covered up with fear, wounds, angers, shame, lies, limitations. The “healing” is to remove what is not-us, so that we can shine forth.

Jay was completely professional in his demeanor, even though this was a very personal encounter. He remained fully-clothed at all times. There was no sex of any kind. He merely triggered the places that held issues, and turned on the release valve. The purpose of this was to release trigger points that “hold” emotion, tension, repression, shame, etc.

I’ve had mind-blowing orgasms before. THIS was something of another realm. This was a spiritual encouter, using my body. These were spirit-enlightening orgasms. I didn’t just “squirt” … I gushed. I geysered. I drenched everything and everyone in a 4′ radius. And not just once … ohhhhhh no, this happened four times, in rather quick succession. Shocking, and delighting me.

The emotional release I had was unprecedented … enormous. I felt like I’d given birth — and I believe that I shed a lifetime’s worth of pain, shame, fear, guilt, grief, and suffering. I birthed it out of me.

Jay held me through that entire experience, in a way that honored me, as a woman, as a human being. I felt cherished, treasured, safe, at every moment. I feel as though I found my brother, and that he helped to regain a missing, lost portion of my life.

I laughed, I cried, and I feel changed.

I am grateful.

To learn more about connecting with the goddess within you, email me at JVagician (at)


Female Sensual Healing – My first giving of this gift.

For the privacy and protection of the recipient of sensual healing, (via my hands and spirit) I have only edited this to remove any personal point of reference that would betray confidence. I have received permission to post this in such a manner, and I am most humbled to have taken part in this couple’s transformation, and the true connecting of the feminine with the yin energy.

Husband and wife were both present and participatory in this ceremonial connection of heart, mind body, spirit, and vagina. The testimonial describes the feelings that the recipient had of receiving full-body orgasms and the aftereffects of this.

I am awed to possess such a powerful gift, and give thanks to those that teach this knowledge concerning vaginal pleasure.

Here is her testimony about her healing experience through a session with me that delivered amazing female ejaculation and full-body orgasms.


Dear Jay Vincent,

Holy mutherfuckin’ mary joseph and jesus h christ! (Well now that that’s out Word is telling me it’s a run on, I beg to differ.) My entire world has been turned right side up. =] No one will believe me how epic, how wonderful this experience turned out to be! I had no expectations of the encounter other than everyone would somehow benefit on some level. I suppose I did expect to have fun, at least, but other than that, no requirements, of course.

I told you I wanted you to take over, and you were there and you know what happened. You did your taking over and fireworks! BLISS! I wish we had less people and more time for sure. 😉 I had the most remarkable, ecstatic, almost psychedelic experience I could have ever imagined. The only period of time I felt more alive was the 48 hours I labored for my son, and the only pleasurable sensation that would even come close was dimethyltryptamine (DMT). I don’t know if you have ever partaken, if you haven’t you can trust; it remains “after what you shared with me” the most exquisite, immaculate, purely joyful experience I have ever been party to, true enlightenment. I don’t do drugs but I do partake in psychedelics and green occasionally. (I don’t view them as “drugs” there are a spiritual catalyst for personal growth and understanding the universe). I find what you shared with me to be very difficult to put into words. Incredible!

What a safe and healing place I found with you. I shed a massive weight off my spirit, with the added benefits of a prolonged full body orgasm! My senses were heightened and dulled simultaneously. The physical and spiritual planes were intensely extenuated and the mind finally turned off!!! I needed to submit, I wanted to. I was desperate to submit, in fact, I was desperate to strip my ego. I had little or no awareness of this need prior to you enraging my pleasure centers with your fabulous knowledge of feminine sensual pleasure.

After the experience I felt very blissful, relaxed, comfortable, empowered, accepted, safe, beautiful, loved: and all of those that I mentioned, I never truly felt completely, and I couldn’t imagine feeling them to that degree until you and last night =].

I have had my share of sexual experiences gone awry or experiences I didn’t want proceed without my consent. I don’t mean to be too personal, fuck it ya know, I think it’s important for you to understand what has taken place and what you did to help, truly, reconcile all of those disgraceful acts from my psyche. I have been taken advantage of sexually on several occasions in my short life. I have never been sexually brutalized or traditionally “raped” but I have been given two choices; go along with what I want or you will be hurt in some way or another. The perpetrators included four medical doctors, an xray technician, a dentist, more than one boyfriend on more than one occasion: all who must have felt overly entitled to my body; I said no they wanted yes. I was aged 7 through 21.

There is not always a positive response one gets for being seen as attractive or beautiful (as I have been told all my life that I am). For me, it has been a fucking liability, a self-esteem busting, self-conscious provoking drag through the mud. Those experiences left me feeling disconnected from reality and humanity. Those responsible for these experiences made me feel empty, ugly, and worthless; you name it, a no value piece of meat. When I became a dancer I took charge of my sexuality in a very profound way, I restored my honor by taking advantage of men in a similar way they took advantage of me except I turned the tables.

After the session with you, I feel I can see with much more clarity. I now see men as sacred beings who want desperately to be lovingly accepted by the feminine, just as desperately as I want to be lovingly accepted by the masculine. I see the sexes as equal. I see you as the catalyst for this; you were sweet and loving, professional and passionate. Lovingly sexy and sexual, gracious and humble and I feel as though you humanized the masculine for me for the first time in a very long time. You also graciously humanized the feminine for me, in a gorgeously accepting, loving and sweet manner. It was the most unexpected gift from you to have control stripped and replaced and washed over with grace and pure desire. <3

I have had orgasms that physically felt identical to the orgasms you gifted me with (maybe the other night was a bit more intense), but the physiological effects were stark and undeniable! I have squirted before, but not enough to wring the sheets out! I am still shivering occasionally almost 24 hours later, I trembled for over five hours after you went on your way, my senses were so alive and ecstatic I couldn’t stand the night breeze on my skin, so intense! I rolled around the bed naked and smiling and could not sleep; all I could do was smile and ramble about how amazing I felt, how enlightened and how grateful I was/am  =] I even felt sick when we went to drop you off I couldn’t believe the intense sensations; the car ride was over stimulating for my senses. I was, in fact, on a natural high I had no preparation for; I had no idea what I was getting into. I kept asking my husband if I was on something, I was in disbelief that just this session and your hands could do that to me!

What gorgeous space you created and you definitely opened so many possibilities for me and my husband both. I gave up control and it was positive, it completely erased the devastation of the times when I was forced to give my power up. I AM NOT A FUCKING VICTIM, ANYMORE! Tears are rolling down my face as I type this, and I mean what I say; I am a beautiful enlightened being with limitless potential for love and joy, there are no boundaries but those that exist in my mind the realty I live is the one that I create and I choose to create love, I choose to create beauty I choose the divine. This is real, it has been a couple days since the experience and I am feeling awareness, my body feels so different.

Very intense emotions are running through me and they are at this point approaching incomprehensible. The emotions show no sign of yielding it is a bit scary and I am trying my best to embrace it and let go and simply feel what my spirit is calling me to experience. My vagina is alive and wet ever since the session with you, I can’t stop imagining being there and feeling the rush of fluid pour down my thighs, feeling all those hands on and in me feeling the presence of so much masculinity and mmmm feeling the rhythm of your breathing on my neck as I came all over.

I am much more aware of individuals I find attractive and am lovingly undressing them and fucking each one in my mind’s eye. I have tried to repress this tendency in the past. My confidence is pure and I am unafraid to voice what I think or anything on my mind for that matter. My desires are more apparent and obvious to me. I am not fearful of anything at this point. I suppose I am a bit afraid of how long this sensitivity will last, the negative feelings are a bit draining and I don’t wish much to be around people unless I am loving on them or they are loving on me. I would recommend you tell women to mind themselves for a few days and maybe have a nice experience for themselves, to reflect and bask in the experience, go to the beach and read get a massage do something for mind and body.

My husband has planned several purchases of material on this subject.  I really do attribute the positivity of the situation to the training you received the attention to comfort and safety and pleasure were honored first and foremost and were paramount in the success of what my mind and body experienced. The code of conduct in relation to your sessions was honorable and made safety and comfort even more valid and fulfilled. I am certain of your sensitive nature and loving presence. You have changed my life: I am not fearful, I feel empowered on a level that has convinced me I didn’t know the meaning of the word prior to my experience with you.

Maybe I was just ready for it I was searching and longing for something but I didn’t know what. Enlightenment – it is so very exciting. I want to say thank you and be fucking careful who you share this with. This is very powerful shit.  I found it to be very intense and the results have been much longer lasting than I could have ever imagined, I still haven’t come down to earth, and yet here I am feeling more alive and connected to nature and more in tune with MYSELF than I ever have. Thank you once again for giving me this gift.
Camellia ~





On the ethics of fucking around…

So, about fucking around and the ethics of doing so.

Before I start this, I need to disclose that I am currently in a relationship that allows for total honesty, and this article that I am writing would have no bearing on my current relationship.

So why am I writing this article? Well, before my current primary relationship reached the point of total honesty, and full allowance, I felt I needed to walk a line of balancing between being true to my inner desires, and yet protective of the mental construct of monogamy and my love for my chosen beloved.

I really loved my wife. To make matters even more difficult to rationalize, we had a great sex life, and it was what I would consider adventurous and fulfilling. So when opportunities to have sex with someone else came around, and I was attracted and matched frequencies with them, I had a bit of rationalizing to do to convince myself that I was doing what was best for everybody…  You decide if I was a total pig, or if I was truly devoted to my marriage, and yet conflicted on my sexual pledge of monogamy.

Two examples. The first one, I was interfacing with my friend on a professional level, and I had the opportunity to see clearly that her desires and her speech were not matching, and I called her on it. She was impressed that I saw this dissonance clearly, and so, I engaged further. One thing led to another, I showed (and felt) sincere interest in her, and we just easily progressed to the point of discussing sexual matters. It wasn’t long before we were fucking like a couple of rabbits with nothing else to do. I even had her over to the house while my wife was away.

Did I feel guilty about this? YES. Did I carry guilt around for years? YES. I felt that, if my wife had known, she would have had just cause to leave me. I felt terrible about myself for being true to my desires, and yet I had done just that. I had engaged in sex with someone other than the one I had pledge monogamy to.

Fast forward a bit to the point where my wife was pregnant with our second child. (I tell you that, so you can really hate me – LOL.) I should also add that at this very moment in time my sexual relationship with my wife was really explosive, and we were opening up to new ideas and just really enjoying sex. I didn’t want to lose this or replace it.

I was working away at my job, an hour and a half away from home, and felt my masculinity just breaching the borders of any wall that would seek to contain it. Along came a couple of spiders, in the form of two hotties that I constantly interfaced with. I was attracted to both of them, but there was one that was smitten equally with me. The other one may have been, because there was flirting, but the one that I connected with more deeply was the one who engaged more fully.

We had a couple of discussions before we knew that our bodies were calling out for our immediate sexual bliss to be expressed. We arranged the place and time and it was one of the most explosive sexual encounters I’ve ever had. Triple orgasms for me, and at least fifteen for her. It lasted about six hours, and it is is an experience, and a woman that I will always be grateful for. That sexual dance was amazing.

And yet, there was my pregnant wife, and I was stepping out on her AGAIN.

So, what were the real dynamics here?

1. I had made a promise of monogamy.
2. I was unable, or unwilling to keep the promise of monogamy.
3. I practiced safe sex.
4. If my wife had found out in that instant, or in that general timeframe, the marriage would have possibly been over with a lifetime of bullshit to deal with – divorce, child support payments, marital asset division, blah, blah, blah…

My wife did not find out, and so about ten years later, we progressed to the point of working in full honesty and appreciation for other sexual ideas.

And the day came when I felt safe revealing that I had engaged in sexual relationships with other women. We had moved past the ideas of “perceived harm”. I knew that I had not actually harmed my wife in any way. What would have been perceived up to this point, however, was that I had harmed the “covenant of marriage” because I had extramarital sex. So, what I really am purported to have harmed is this mental construct, that somewhere around 80% of people who enter this construct, do exactly what I did. They cheat, sneak around, lie, cover up, and yet they are being true to their inner desires. The problem is that their inner desire is in direct conflict with an idea of contractual sexual ownership of their body by another human being. They (as I) had promised to lock their sexuality up in a box that the other party to their marriage or monogamy contract had the padlock key for. And yet, the box, the padlock, indeed the entire idea of monogamy, the societal scorn, the threat of loss of status, children, property and a mate, was not strong enough to keep that sexuality locked up in that box.

So, my wife’s first (and very mature) question was: “Did it make our sex hotter at the time?” To which I answered YES (truthfully – It was exciting, and added spice into our lives, even though I was the only one that knew about it at the time.)

At this same time of the revelation, our sexuality was expanding, and we were heading into the territory of freedom. We had discussed the idea of others, and the interaction possibility with others had already been discussed along with harm versus perceived harm.

So, in light of the revelation being made, and the acceptance and even embracing of the extramarital sex, let’s revisit the facts of the matter in hindsight:

1. The marriage relationship, at the time the extramarital sex occurred, was not at a point of maturity to discuss or work through the true feelings I was experiencing.
2. Although I kept my affairs hidden, I did so based on the fact that I DID NOT want to lose what I had, and the only way I knew to deal with that was DIShonesty. If I would have had the proper insight, I would have worked into honesty sooner. I did, however, finally get it on the table, and when I did, it was not a harm at all, just a situation that occurred.
3. Having the correct insight to see that no harm actually occurred, and sharing the experience in honesty relieved all of the guilt, shame, and fear of discovery. And yet, this would have been impossible before, so I still feel justified in having had the experiences, although I regretted the guilt and fear of discovery.

So there you have it. While the ethics are rationalized, you have in front of you the facts that I am now in full honesty, and looking back, would have done it much the same. Does this make me a pig? Or does it make me true to my desire, and true to at least attempting to preserve the original relationship?

I stand today as a free man, sexually, and yet I am in love more than ever with my beloved of over 21 years. Our sex is better than ever, and we have constantly said this over the years.

Society has told us that when we are in a marriage, or monogamous relationship, that we are to lock our sexual desires up, and allow the other party to hold the key. This is a most depressing situation. Especially for the majority of humans that crave, need, want, and long for variety. Then when the opportunity presents itself, we are faced with a moral dilemma that is totally unnecessary, if we are honest.

Work toward honesty. Discuss harm versus perceived harm. Watch porn with your beloved. Open up the discussions. And keep moving toward having fun in life.

Non-Orgasm Oriented Sex? YES!!!

WHAT? Have sex without having an orgasm????

Why in the hell would ANYONE want to have sex that is not orgasm oriented, you ask? Well, the reasons will surprise, and hopefully invite you into my world.

Most standard sex scenarios (including masturbation) are, in fact, orgasm oriented. The porn video industry and it’s offerings are deemed incomplete without the “money shot”, which is some form of a male ejaculation onto the female anatomy. The entirety of society, when referring to sex is usually inclusive of the orgasmic experience.

But once you consider it… when you hear from one who’s been there, and has the most incredible results to share from another approach, then you can at least give it some thought, and try it out to see how well it can work for you.

I always engaged in standard “Orgasm Oriented” sex, until this past year. I had, for 18 years prolonged my orgasm (Tantric) until I had given a partner their fill of orgasm, no matter how many that needed to be.  Yet, at the time they reached their fulfillment of sex, I would always release orgasm (ejaculate) at the end, and the energy drain would go with it, and I would be disinterested in sex for another day or two. (Libido crash)

Then Kalo started read about the Taoist sexual method of withholding, and we gave this method it’s due effort. To say we were impressed was an understatement. What resulted from changing our thoughts and practices has turned our world into a constant bliss. This type of sex: “Pleasure Oriented” sex, is Non-orgasmic oriented.


The gist of Orgasm Oriented sex is that there is an end point in sight, and both parties work to get to that end point. The gist of Pleasure Oriented, or non-orgasm oriented sex is that the journey is ecstatic, the distraction of having to reach an “point” (or bring your partner to an end point) is removed, pleasure is the only goal, and the fun keeps going and going and going! (This works exceptionally well for people who, for whatever reason, simply cannot orgasm.)

To put it bluntly, instead of worrying about “I need to get to a point of (her or my) orgasm, I get to focus on how well I am making her eyes roll back in her head, how much I’m rocking her world, and if she goes, she goes. (Kalo holds back from orgasm to a degree, as is described below.) My only goal is her pleasure, which reciprocally, makes me feel like I am the fucking man! Pleasing her sexually, pleases me. There’s no way to separate out the two.

We would (and still do occasionally, when time permits) engage in Pleasure Oriented sex three times daily, for about 2 hours of intercourse each time, for a total of about 6 hours a day of sex. Granted, this wasn’t every day. There would be one of these “marathon” days about once a week, and we still have those, although it’s down to about 4 hours currently. (Hey, we have 5 children, cut us some slack…)

Regardless, this greatly improved our ABILITY to have enjoyable sex more frequently and with the same amount of energy as each prior session! Without releasing the (male) orgasm, I was able to re-engage immediately, and often – the time between sessions is merely a meal break or an “OMG” reflective walk about, before going at it again.

(For those wondering, the Taoist method of “injaculation” is something I incorporate, and it’s almost like an orgasm, but without the release. It involves clamping down on a muscle point, or doing a pressure point block to stop the flow of ejaculate, and breathing (blissfully) through the sensation, and then proceeding on.)

The entire time, we are engaged physically, spiritually, and mentally, and it is mutual WORSHIP, and mutual surrender!

We’ve learned that the feminine can participate, or not participate as desired, because the energy dump that a man has, is not there for a woman. Our preferred method for the feminine is to give 3-5 during intercourse orgasms, and then to withhold from there forward. This decreases the sensitivity to a point that the peak of orgasm comes less frequently, and the peak/withhold can be enjoyed, while having an extended intercourse between peaks. This is the same type of intense intercourse that is described on this post. 

After a few times of this, knowing that I was going into sex with the goal of orgasm REMOVED, I had a mental switch that developed. It was “Okay, I’m not about orgasm for me. I’m about pleasure for her.” Once the switch was off, I had to reach in (mentally) and turn it back on, if I wanted to orgasm. This was AWESOME, because once the switch was thrown, I had the best time just rocking her world through her orgasm. My trigger was closed, mentally so it was full-bore rocking the boat while she was screaming in pleasure!


BETTER ~ YES, YES, A THOUSAND TIMES YES!!! In fact, it is like being totally sensitized(We use Sex Butter, which totally sensitizes the shaft of the male, sensitizes the female inside and out, and is just amazing, tastes and smells good, and contains several natural anti-bacterial, health-positive, all-natural essential oils) What I’m talking in this article, though, is the feeling of staying at peak for hours without the let-down or energy drain.  I CAN GIVE HER MORE PLEASURE, WHICH IN TURN PLEASES ME.

Guys, let me ask you a question: What scenario would you pick:

  • You and your partner(s) go at it for under an hour (usually 30 minutes ~ tops), you orgasm, you think she/they orgasm(s), and you leave feeling “satisfied” (which equates to satisfied, but tired and drained of energy)


  • You and your partner(s) go at it for 2+ hours (Depending on opportunity and tenacity),  she/they orgasm(s) as much as desired (or as much as able), you stay excited and at your peak the entire time, but do NOT orgasm, and when you stop, you’re ready for even more, but when you stop, you KNOW that your partner(s) has/have been manipulated sexually every way desirable, and you have left your partner(s) undoubtedly satisfied, and JUST IN CASE, you’re ready to give them more, if needed!

I prefer the last scenario…

And yes, I do orgasm, but only when I just feel like I am building up too much energy, and I have a special gift for the occasion.

Now before someone gets their mind in a twist and accuses me of thinking I have it all figured out, let me disclaim: I’m just telling you what works for me, and as long as everyone is happy, do what you want! It’s all about good sex, right? 

As I presented that I was about to publish this article, a new friend, Alyssa Royse pointed me to an article that she wrote about pleasure oriented sex, only it was from a perspective of having a different set of abilities than are outside of the “projected” expected usual.

Life is a pathway of learning allowance and love, and I am thankful to have seen this article. I have to admit, my eyes, through her article, are opened even further to the fact that COMMUNICATION is a required foundation for great sex.

And I’m thankful, being in open relationship, and on a path of sharing love and healing, that I know now to include questions about how things are felt, perceived, and what abilities may be different in sexual situations before proceeding to try and fit things in a “one-size-fits-most” set of methods.

Here is that article: “O” Relax! 

Live your life. The world is your oyster. Go shuck it. Do so, however, with the utmost respect for those with whom you share the world. <3

Sex Is More

Sex is merely a symptom of a deeper desire. That desire is oneness with one’s own divinity, and being allowed (in peace, safety, and trust) to share that with a matching opposite. ♥ ♥ ♥ JV

Masturbation Made Me A Very Fulfilled Lover

Perhaps this sounds “Cocky”, but seriously, masturbation enabled me to love a woman like she longs to be loved, and enjoy sex the way it fulfills me the most – with my woman’s eyes rolled back in her head over and over and over and over… I am most honored to have the ability to tell this story. I did work hard at it…

As a teenager, and learning the pleasure that masturbation delivered, I never tired of having this pleasurable sensation. I did notice, however, that when ejaculation occurred, I had an energy dump. I would tire, become sleepy, and disengage. So, I did the only thing feasible to a teenage boy who didn’t have the resources of the internet at his fingertips. I experimented.

I found out what made the sensation of euphoria last longer. I would barely touch, tease, and keep the sensation WITHOUT pushing it over the edge. I would keep this feeling many times for 3-4 hours. (Yes, this was an obsession, because I allowed it to be). Ironically, television held little interest for me during those years. LOL

And so it was, through my teenage years that I had much practice prolonging the ejaculation portion of orgasm. Sometimes, I would prolong the ejaculation for days, pleasuring myself for 2-3 hours, letting the feeling (and the erection) subside, and then proceeding again to erection and the bliss just before ejaculation, and continue this cycle for days without ejaculation.

When I lost my virginity at 18, I, of course was so excited with this new phase of actual sex, that my lessons of earlier in life were abandoned for a time. Then, I went through a marriage that failed, in which I was pretty self-centered, and generally a horrible lover.

Divorce caused me to re-evaluate everything, and A friend gave me a book on how to be a lover that would cause women to beg for more. It focused on pleasuring the woman first and repeatedly before the man would orgasm (ejaculate). So, when Kalo and I began our sexual relations almost two decades ago, I had reoriented my focus, and I purposed that I would be most pleasured if the act would last longer, and the woman (Kalo, in this instance) were immensely pleased. Our average (during intercourse) orgasm count for Kalo was 12. And during her orgasms, I am fully engaging deeply and fully in the act, without any urge at all to orgasm. It’s a switch that has been thrown to desire her pleasure before I engage my request to my body to ejaculate. (There are a few variables that can change this, for those of you who may be wanting to pursue this path. These variables, however, are seldom encountered in our sex life.)

We went for years, just in this manner, and we considered that our sex life was wonderful. I constantly asked for, watched, and measured the responses I was getting, and listening to my intuition, and for a while it went along without much adjustment.

A buddy gave me a book one day that talked about Taoist sexual principles of withholding orgasm. I wasn’t ready for it, but it opened my mind to the possibilities of even better sex.

Then we learned of the principles of prolonging sex (common in the teachings of Tantric sex). I was SO ready for this, because of my teenage prep for this. With a mental adjustment, we increased our longevity of lovemaking. Then, I was ready to explore the Taoist withholding (or injaculation) techniques that I had read about before.

I discovered that I could clamp down on the muscle that cuts the flow of urine, at the moment that I felt that ejaculation was imminent, and I could move through an actual orgasm without ejaculation. WOW. This was new ground, and to be honest, I am an intense guy, and this tops my chart. My desire for this is not as frequent, but After a month or so of (prolonged) ejaculatory lovemaking, I am ready to “injaculate”, or actually orgasm without ejaculating. 5-10 sessions of this seems to be most comfortable and rewarding for me, but occasionally, I will go for the marathon holdout before ejaculating.

A wonderful resource on the technique of how to do this is Joy Nelson’s book called The Guy’s Guide To Multiple Orgasms. I highly recommend this read for any male who is serious about improving their own and their partner’s sexual pleasure.

One benefit I have found of injaculation is that my desire stays amplified to maximum level. — We can make love for 2-3 hours with no ejaculatory orgasm, and I am ready to go at it again immediately. (We really don’t want to stop, and there have been days where we do this 2-3 hour session three times. Yes, it’s that good!)

Another benefit of doing this on a repeated basis (5-7 days) is that my internal power (some refer to this as chi) is immensely amplified, as is my clarity in every aspect of life. After the fifth session of injaculation or just never allowing orgasm, I can feel my body cleansing out negative energy that may have been stored. I feel lighter and very powerful.

Kalo has incorporated withholding and internalizing her orgasm into her practice, with the same amazing results. We  will take her to peak, and wait, using the subsiding period to worship each other with our words and breathing. Then we take it right back up to peak again, and to be honest, neither of us can ever get enough of this roller coaster. It is simply amazing!

And it was during my teenage years that the prolonging of ejaculation during masturbation that I readied myself to embrace this pattern later in life. I already knew that dumping energy was something I wanted to control, and honestly, ejaculation is great, and I love it, but holding that energy in is just mind-blowing awesome!

If you would like to submit questions or ask for coaching, please contact us using the comment section of this blog.

In love and freedom,

Jay Vincent